Shedding Tears for the Dead

So I woke up this morning to my dad screaming at me through the floor telling my to turn my televison on. Being lethargic and slow in the morning it took me a while to start sitting up. Apparently it was to long for my dad because he came down to my room, turned my television on and told me to watch the news. Our nation was attacked by an unknown terrorist force today. The world trade center is no longer in existance. Both towers had seperate Boeing Jets crash into them knocking them to the ground. On top of that another boeing jet crashed into the pentagon. To top it off a final boeing jet crash landed somewhere in Indiana. What the fuck is wrong with people. What the hell makes them hate our nation so much that they have to kill thousands upon thousands of people in such a cowardly way. I think we need to nuke the shit out of the middle east until we know that all the terrorist forces there are no longer in existance. I've been trying to get ahold of my good friend that lives in NY all day to no avail. If she's dead I'll cry. Those of you that know me, know that I don't ever cry. Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!XXX sorrow XXXShed a tear for the dead

Sittin' on my thumb, spinnin' circles, weeeeeeh....

001. Favorite band(s)? Currently, Lowlife, Jimmy Eat World, and Dr. Dre 002. Do you enjoy concerts? yes003. What was the last concert you attended? Quest For Quintana Roo, The Lab Rats, Scissor Hands, and some other bands. 004. Music you couldn't live without? Tough Guy Hardcore 005. Kind of music that would fall off the face of the earth and you wouldn't care nor miss it? Country006. About how many CDs do you own? Well based on my last count 273007. How many CDs can your stereo hold at a time? 5008. Do you have a discman? yes009. What CD could you listen to for hours? Anything Hardcore010. Can you sing well? I can carry a tune and I screamHow many CDs do you own by... 011. Britney Spears? 0012. City High? 0013. O-Town? 0014. Eminem? 2015. Incubus? 1016. Blink 182? 0017. Everclear? 0018. Mandy Moore? 0019. Backstreet Boys? 0020. N'Sync? 0021. Dr. Dre? 1022. Fuel? 0023. Linkin Park? 0024. Destiny's Child? 0025. Dream? 0026. Korn? 0, Thank God…027. Limp Bizkit? 0028. Missy Elliot? 0029. Nelly Furtado? 0030. Jessica Simpson? 0031. Christina Aguliera? Technically one, she’s on a comp that I have. 032. Eve 6? 0033. Sum 41? 0034. No Doubt? 0035. Mariah Carey? 0What comes to your mind when you hear... 036. Goo Goo Dolls? that song from city of angels037. Lifehouse? What a stupid name038. Vertical Horizon? That movie039. Vitamin C? ho040. LFO? Nothing041. Savage Garden? Broken Heart042. Papa Roach? Lame ass, local wannabe hardcore band043. The Bloodhound Gang? You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals 044. Toni Braxton? ho045. 98 Degrees? nothing046. Our Lady Peace? nothing047. The Verve Pipe? That one song that me and luke used to like048. Craig David? WHO? 049. Willa Ford? Cars050. Aqua? Barbie051. 311? Racism052. Mikalia? nothing053. The Fugees? wycliffeEither or... 054. Britney or Christina? Christina055. Punk or rock? rock056. Edited or un-edited? un edited057. Backstreet Boys or N'Sync? N'SYNC 058. Nick or Justin? justin059. Live or on TV? live060. Amphitheater or arena? arean061. Live band or recorded tape? liveand the last one:+@ the Moment+*Wallet: black LEATHER biker snap wallet with a flaming skull on it*Hairbrush: I don’t have any hair*Toothbrush: White, blue, and sea green*Jewelry worn daily: all my body piercing jewelry, necklace, and expensive Citizen Eco-Drive Watch*Socks: Don’t leave home with out ‘em*Pillow cover: leopard print*Coffee cup: I don’t have one. *Sunglasses: no*Shoes: Old School Black and White Adidas, White and Blue Saucony, and a couple pairs of converse*Nail polish: none*Handbag: dark gray dickies messanger bag*Keychain: a little raver light*Favourite top: whatever hoodie I happen to have on*Favourite pants: my dark gray dickies*Soap: Raspberry Body Wash*Perfume: Pi by Givenchy or Clinique Happy*CD in stereo right now: Elliot Smith, Lowlife, Dr. Dre, West Coast Wordwide Comp, and Jimmy Eat World’s new CD. *Tattoos: 3: Matching flaming hearts with nautical star wrap on my ankles and a flaming trinity symbol with a gray burst the back ground on my right shoulder*Piercings: Currently 3 but Jessicore’s gonna change that. *Physical: skinny as all hell but athletic and tall*Crew: 510 Death Crew, N.C.H.C. and I’m associated with a few others but not an official member…yet. XXX sorrow XXXNever Sell Out *510 D.C.*

MMMMMMMM surveeeeeeys......

1. Do you own any plaid clothing? yes2. Do you own Converse shoes? Yes, 3 pairs.3. Do you own Saucony shoes? Yes.4. Do you own old school Nikes? Nope5. Do you wear tight pants? On occasion6. Is there more than one zipper in your pants? Nope7. Do you know what a squatter flap is? Yes8. Do you own a messenger bag? Yes I do.9. Do you wear your messenger bag across your chest? how else would I wear it?10. Do you own braces? No. 11. Are there braces worn anywhere besides the mouth? sometimes I wear an ankle brace.12. Do you have short, shaggy hair? I don't have any hair.13. Does your hairstyle exceed a height of 3 inches? Definately not.14. Would you classify your hair as a deadly weapon? I don't have any, anywhere!!!15. Do you think mohawks are "neat"? Only when they are like Briano's with some dreds to add character.I guess I'm not too cool with mohawks,just dreds.16. Is your hair black or red? Nope.17. Do you have a favorite brand of hair dye? Nope.18. Do you own a bandana? Yes.Many.19. Do you wear plugs in your ears? Yes, I have some white, 1/2" plugs20. Are you amused by safety pins? I hate those things.21. Have you ever used duct tape as a sewing substitute? Nope.22. Do you own one or more objects with studs or spikes in them? No.I do have a bag full of studs that just sits in my drawer for when I go punk rock.23. Do you own one or more articles of clothing from Dogpile, Lip Service, or Tiger of London? No I do not.24. Do you enjoy leopard print? Yes I have leopard print sheets, woo hoo.HABITS/BELIEFS: 25. Are you disgruntled (having a general hate for everything)? Not for everything.But yes,I do have alot of hate.26. Are you an anarchist? No.27. Does the American flag anger you? No.Praising Christopher Columbus angers me.That guy should have been shot in the head execution style.28. Are you "working class"? Yes I am.Since 13 years of age.29. Do you dislike "preps"? I dislike stupid preps,but I dislike alot of hardcore kids and alot of everything else.All humans are assholes,right?30. Do you dislike Hot Topic? I'm always in Hot Topic.Atleast the one in Berkeley.I always have to bother Sam and that cute girl that's been married twice.31. Do you smoke cigarettes? XXX true till death XXX32. Do you smoke cloves? Fuck no.33. Are you a thin waif? yep?34. Are you vegan/vegetarian? nope, I'm MEATEDGE.35. Do you think meat is murder? I think abortion is murder.36. Do your nighttime activites usually involve drunken underage vomiting? Yes,minus the drunken part.37. Have you ever slept in an alley or park? Yes.38. Do you wash your hair less than once a week? Nope.39. Have you ever gone a week without a shower? Yes.40. Have you ever been avoided due to your odor? I don't think so.41. Do you know who Jack Kerouac is? Yes.42. Do you like Mr. Kerouac? No, I hate his punk ass.43. Should Mumia Abu-jamal be freed from prison? Nope, he should be shot, hee hee.44. Are you a member of MOC? Only for the girls.SPEECH:45. Do you say "rad"? Yes.46. Do you say "rockin'"? No.47. Do you say punk "rawk"? No. 48. Do you spout the word "oi" at random times? Only when I'm listening to Apples in Stereo.49. Do you say "punk's not dead"? Nope.50. Do you say "punk is dead"? No,but pink is red.Last and least important-MUSIC: 51. Do you like bands with "." in their name? Who has "." in thier name?52. Do you like bands with "theory" in their name? I can't think of any bands that I like with "theory" in thier name,so I guess that's a no.53. Do you like bands with "the"? It doesn't matter,it's just a name.54. Do you ever precede your own name with "the" at the beginning? Nope.55. Do you like bands with the F word in their name or album title? Sometimes.56. Do you think "Christian punk" is an oxymoron? Nope.57. Are Blink 182 fans "posers"? What is a poser these days.There is nothing new under the sun,that would mean none of us are original,that would mean all of us are posing something.58. Do you have frequent debates over what exactly constitutes a sellout? Nope.59. Have you ever brought the headlining band food? No way, they can get their own damn food I'm broke enough as it is.60. Do you have show flyers affixed to your walls? Yes, my walls are covered in them.I slept well until I got awakened by a very attractive Hawaiian chick. XXX sorrow XXX

Got my car back

I got my car back, it only cost me $200.00 to get it back. I guess the judicial system decided that I have to pay because I'm the dumb ass that let someone steal my car. It's going to cost me anywhere from $1500-2000 just to make my car street legal again. Maybe more I haven't finished finding all the parts that I need to put it back to together and I haven't accounted for the cost of labor to put it back together. I hope that I catch the guy that did it. If I do I'm going to cut his eyes out so that he can never look at another car again. That's all for now other than I want to see my girlfriend.XXX sorrow XXXP.S. Everyone should check this website out it's great. XXX

I feel like a dumb ass....

Well FUCK ME!!! My car got stolen last night while I was sleeping!!! I'll tell you more when I know more.

Lack of sight leads to violence in men...

DUMB, FUCKIN' SKIN HEADS!!! I was driving back to the shop today and this punk ass skin head was blocking the road with his over sized, "I have a little penis" truck. Apparently there was as school bus that had stopped and had it's stop sign sticking out into the road, but I couldn't see it. So after debating whether or not to honk (couldn't get around him) I lightly tapped the horn and gave a little honk. The guy turned around, looked at me, started yelling and began to get out of his PePe Le Punnie truck, only he fell. I'm sure that his falling didn't improve the situation, because everyone was laughing at him. By the time he got to my car he was beet red all over (I only know this because he wasn't wearing a shirt so that he could show off his poorly done tattoo's). He proceeded to grab me by the back of my head, pull my head out the window and educate me as to why he was not moving. I very calmly (only because me head was still in his grasp) explained to him that I had not see the bus and that if I had I would not have signaled him to go. He told me to go back to driving school. Being the idiot that I am, I mumbled (to myself), that he was stupid fuck. No harm done, right? WRONG!!!! He heard me, called me out to fight, to which I very happily declined, although I know that I could have taken him on his own it was the other 4 guys in the truck that worried me. We exchanged some words, he drove away, I followed behind him until I reached my destination and everything was fine. Moving right along... Here's what has been going on in my life over the past few days, errr since my last post. I have a new cell phone, yay for me. I still really (strong emphasis on that really part) like my girlfriend. The itch to travel is getting stronger by the second. I can't want for Rocky to get here because then me and Kanashii will have another partner in crime. My chinchilla is going crazy in it 's cage I should let her out for a while but I'm to lazy. James, I'm still gunnin' for your bitch ass! Oh yeah, I still cuss to much, but I'm getting better at not doing it as often. Need more ink thats all for now.XXXsorrowXXXP.S. Have ever wondered what it would be like to swim, naked, in a bowl of jello?Yeah well you're a real sicko!

Sex is funny....

I randomly happened onto Buddyhead.com's sex advice "sex"tion of their website. Being the curious teenager that I am I decided to read a little bit of what they had to say. All I have to say is that I read some of the funniest letters that I've ever read in my life. Heres an example (it appears courtest of Buddyhead.com)Marko,Ok here's the deal. My girlfriend and I were partaking in a night of sexual pleasures and you know, sometimes it gets pretty crazy. Well she was on top and, she went up a little too far (I guess she didn't realize my cock isn't a foot high). Well when she came down things didn't line up. When she came down I felt something pop and tremendous pain. So I waited a few seconds and everything was fine so we finished the deed and laid back to enjoy ourselves then when I turned on the light I realized blood...all over. On me, on her and on the sheets. Then when I peed a blood clot came out and then everything looked fine... Now here's the question. Do you think everything is fine down there? Should I get it checked out? Brad Ohh. That's probably one of the worst mishaps one can make while going at it frantically. It's happened to me once or twice (though not as severe it seems), and I still have nightmares (Women, take your finger, and pretend its 1000 times more sensitive for a moment. Now, point it straight up to the sky. With your other hand, grab the nearest big ass gnarly hammer you can find and smash down on the tip of your finger really hard like you are hitting a nail. This is as close as you can get to experiencing the pain of what poor Brad just described. You could also point your finger straight out in front of you and run really fast into a cinder block wall, though that would look simply ridiculous). Well, because it's been while since I received your email Brad, I would imagine that either, (a) your now broken unit withered and fell off, or (b) you eventually went to see a dick doctor (hopefully). Most likely you ruptured a bunch of important vessels and other penis functuary (yes functuary) things inside that shaft of yours, and they need to be fixed rather than letting them fix themselves (possibly causing permanent damage [i.e. Dear Marko, I can't get it up anymore], though I am no brain surgeon [pun, yes]). Hey Brad, I shot blood out my dick, do you think I should go see a doctor? Sounds pretty silly doesn't it. I'd go with the instincts Brad, as you seem like a pretty intelligent fellow. On a side note: Women, most guys dicks aren't "a foot high" as Brad put it (bless you if you've found one), and it hurts a lot when they get "compound fractured" so try to be more careful (i.e. keep it inside) when you are on top. Guys, you should know your limitations. If you pull out too far when you are on top and jam the tip into that pocket between her stuff and her inner thigh, it's your own damn fault for thinking you had more length than you actually do. Markoso yeah, that made me laugh harder than I have laughed in a long time. Someone forgot to send me a letter last night (hint hint, you know who you are). Anyhoo I stepped in dog piss so I'm going to go and take a shower, I'll probably write more later. XXX death before dihonor XXX James I'm going to kill you and then, when you're dead, I'm going to kill you again just to make sure!!!

Screaming Infidelities...

Why is it that on the one day that's supposed to be special to you, the one day that's supposed to be a celebration of your existence, you're the one person that matters least to everyone? I hate birthdays (well at least when I'm the one that's having one)! I really didn't expect to do anything for my birthday and that was totally fine by me. I've avoided having any kind of party for the last two years and I figured a third year of the same wouldn't hurt. Well me mom decided to throw me a "surprise party" yesterday (08/18/2001). It ended up being a lot of fun I was very pleased. However today, I felt shunned and unimportant. My friends just bitched and moaned about how they wasted their weekend here at my house instead of going to Sac. to see a friend that's moving to Israel for a year. The same friend that is coming down to the bay area for a few days and want's to hang out with us while she's in the area. Needless to say, it kind of put a downer on my day. The only gift that I got this year was from Dave (thanks a lot man!), he gave the a Commin' Correct CD that I didn't have yet. I really hate to complain this much because I'm really not much of a complainer unless I'm whining about getting hurt and I do that more or less so that I can show off whatever battle wound I happen to have at the time. I guess another part of this B-day sadness is that someone that is special to me is sad and I can't do anything to help because they need to work it out on their own...I think that I may move to Hawaii sooner than planned just because I need to get out of my house and spread my wings a bit. I got a speeding ticket on friday night it sucked. We almost got caught by the cops painting on friday night too but we were to crafty for them (run away, run away). I think that my parent's are going take me out to dinner tomorrow night, that would be really nice to just go out with them and spend some quality time together because we haven't done that in quite some time. My dad is really intimidating, he scares me. Everytime he tells me that he wants to talk to me or asks if I have a minute I always get nervous as if I was in big trouble. The funny thing about all of that is that I haven't done anything bad...I saw American Pie 2 tonight. It was sooooooooooooooo funny. I loved it. I drew a neato piece today for next weekend. I'm broke, oh well.We Climbed Chaos We Turned Time. Come a little closer so I can hear music again. Compose for me a dream made by eyes and lips. Make melodies with the wind blowing in your hair. I feel vulnerable - Barefeet. This emotional mess we've made - Broken Glass. I feel pain - Bleeding. xLUNEx XXX death before dishonor XXX

Seperation Anxiety....

My brother left for Texas early this morning. I'm just now finally realizing that I'm not going to see him for at least one year maybe longer if I take off and tour the world for a while. On a good note my brother gave me his stereo for the time being. Oh, my friends band On The Might Of Princes stayed with me for the weekend it was a lot of fun. Sunday I was rudely awakened to a beating with plastic baseball bats. Bastards. My Birthday is on Sunday and I'm not excited at all. I hate birthday's all that happens is I get depressed and have to act happy on a day that sucks. Maybe it's because my b-days have been pretty depressing for the last three years and I'm not looking forward to this one at all. I am looking forward to getting more ink. Heres a poem that a friend of mine wrote I think it's pretty cool but that's because I know the story behind it. I dedicate this to my grandfather because he's the reason that I'll forever have trouble with relationships. i want to slash your tires maybe your throat. i want to burn the bitter memories to ashes and pour them over your dead corpse. you do not deserve to live, for i know you will suffocate on your own hot breath. for you are like a pig sent to the slaughter house. i'd drink your blood just so i could spit it out. that brick you threw will now come back to you. I guess that's all I have to say for now accept that I'm still going to deliver that package to Hawaii. Hi XjessicoreXXXX death before dishonor XXX

XXX dont ever lose the edge XXX

I FOUND STRAIGHT EDGE SHAMPOOOOOOOOOO today!!!!!!!!!! It's for straightening out curly hair, ha ha ha. The same company also makes a shampoo called Integrity!! How rad is that?!?!? I have to aquire oooodles and oooodles of the sXe shampoo so that I can get mad scene points, hee hee. Anyhoo my belly is squishy in a hard way. Anyhoo I'm happy now. Bye Bye!!!<3 <3 <3 xX253XxXXX straight edge shampoo for you too XXX

XXX dont ever lose the edge XXX

I FOUND STRAIGHT EDGE SHAMPOOOOOOOOOO today!!!!!!!!!! It's for straightening out curly hair, ha ha ha. The same company also makes a shampoo called Integrity!! How rad is that?!?!? I have to aquire oooodles and oooodles of the sXe shampoo so that I can get mad scene points, hee hee. Anyhoo my belly is squishy in a hard way. Anyhoo I'm happy now. Bye Bye!!!<3 <3 <3 xX253XxXXX straight edge shampoo for you too XXX

*Death B4 Dishonor*

So, Hawaii 5-0 returned to her rock today. I feel so bad for her. I think that I'm going to have to adventure over to her desolate rock and deliver some flowers. I had an interesting day today, I went to work, did nothing. I wanted to get my car smogged but my boss (my dad) wouldn't let me off early enough. I came home, shaved 1/4 of my body, I'll shave the other 3/4 tomorrow when I have more time. After showering I went downstairs got dressed, got on the computer and talked to My Girlfriend for a little bit online (she's a hot mamma jamma). After she signed off I hung out with Ben and Lindsey for a little bit. Then I came home. I've been sitting at the computer ever since. I need to get out of California for a little bit just so that I can try and figure out what I'm going to do with my life. I doubt that I will but I sure would like to. No more relying on my dad for employment. No more wasting my weekends looking for happiness at some show. No more striving to earn money and pay off my incomprehensible debt. Maybe it's just wishfull thinking. Ahh well, I think that I'll just shut my mouth and go back to living my 9-5er life looking for some sort of fulfillment from things that I know won't fill the void that only Jesus can fill. I need to get right with Him again. I'm going to end this entry before I start to consider letting tears flow from my eyes. Damn my emotionless heart.XXX death before dishonor XXX

Speed Racing into Your Heart...

Yay for me I got a new car. It's a pimpin "Rice Rocket." It still needs a paint job and more engine work but it's totally pimpin'! I'm going to get a big enough loan so that I can pay off all my debt, my parent's, and finish all of the engine work as well as the paint job. I don't think that I'm going back to school this semester but I'll go for the spring semester. I also really like my girlfriend but that's a whole other story <3. Anyhoo I'm going to go and teach myself to drive my car since I don't know how to drive a stick and I need to learn how. XXX sorrow XXX

Back from the Depths of hardcore hipocracy?

SO I'm back from TOM Fest, the anti-hardcore, anti-tough guy, anti-good band fest of the year. None-the-less, we made it fun and met some of the raddest kids on the world, including X253X whom happened to be the most fantastic person that I've had the privilege of meeting in a long time (If you're reading this, "Hi" <3). I finally aquired the weapon that I've been trying to get for months, yay for me!!! hee hee....anyhoo enough with this entry I need to brush my teeth and go to bed. ~XXX Till the Day I Die XXX~

A random "Fuck You!"

html>I recently received a letter addressed to "Sorrow" it was very straight forward and to the point: Dear Sorrow:After meeting you all I have to say is this, FUCK YOU! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A STUPID FUCK! I HOPE YOUR PUNK ASS GETS SHOT AND THAT YOU DIE A LONG SLOW FUCKED UP DEATH, FUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!!Sincerely,A person that wishes death on you and yours!I found that letter to be somewhat bizzare since I don't really know who sent the letter and honestly I don't want to know. hmmmm, oh well.[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<br.~sorrow~>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]html><body><font size="+2" color="#ff80ff" face="Chiller">I recently received a letter addressed to "Sorrow" it was very straight forward and to the point:<br><br> Dear Sorrow:<br>After meeting you all I have to say is this, <B>FUCK YOU! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A STUPID FUCK! I HOPE YOUR PUNK ASS GETS SHOT AND THAT YOU DIE A LONG SLOW FUCKED UP DEATH, FUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!!</b><BR>Sincerely,<br>A person that wishes death on you and yours!<br><br>I found that letter to be somewhat bizzare since I don't really know who sent the letter and honestly I don't want to know. hmmmm, oh well.<br><br><br.~sorrow~</font></body></html>

in regards to the show....

I just spoke with the gentleman that told me not to go and we straighened everything out so now all of you have to go.~sorrow~

Depression sets in and life comes to an end...

I'm depressed...maybe I'll just shoot myself and end this depression called, "the teenage life."...If I'm not out doing something to distract myself I just sit in the dark and listen to sad music...to much drama...i feel incomplete...I'm reaching the point of feeling desperate for a friend that will make me feel loved instead of made fun of...fuck it, I'll just move to a random place in the world and live alone...relationships/friendships only lead to heartache...time to go sit in the dark again...~sorrow~

Depression sets in and life comes to an end...

I'm depressed...maybe I'll just shoot myself and end this depression called, "the teenage life."...If I'm not out doing something to distract myself I just sit in the dark and listen to sad music...to much drama...i feel incomplete...I'm reaching the point of feeling desperate for a friend that will make me feel loved instead of made fun of...fuck it, I'll just move to a random place in the world and live alone...relationships/friendships only lead to heartache...time to go sit in the dark again...~sorrow~

GO TO THIS SHOW!!!

Everyone go to this show it will be awesome even though I'm not allowed to be there.Sunday June 24th Dublin California END OF THE YEAR BASH Come Celebrate the End of the School Year with: Bound To Happen Afraid of Water Figure4 Through It All Flinch Factor$5 ALL AGES at Valley Christian Center 7500 Inspiration Drive Dublin California Use www.mapquest.com for more info</h4>~sorrow~

Random Conversation with Nick A.D.D.

Czarnickerman: I am going to Safeway now, as I am a total idiot., SoRrowFoundmE: ok bye Auto response from Czarnickerman: I am going to shoot you in the face.