A Simple Nothing...

Last night I had so much fun, we went to a show on Santa Cruz where my brother and I danced it up. We beat the crap out of each other and everyone that came near us. By the time the show was over I was soooo sweaty that both my hoodie and my shirt were soaked in sweat. I know thats pretty gross but who cares. After the show we went to get some dinner at the Saturn Cafe', it's a vegetarian/vegan restaurant in Santa Cruz. I borrowed this girls sweater because I didn't want to wear my sweat soaked shirt in to the place. The sweater was a way to small but thats ok because she said I looked, and I quote, "cute." Today my body just hurts from all the dancing but I don't care because I have another show to go to and dance it up there. I so want to move out, but I need God to provide me with either a second job or an increase in pay at my current place of employment. Oh Oh Oh, I just remembered, today while I was sitting in church the guy that was sitting next to me just happened to speak and write fluent Hebrew, so I know have the words that I need for my half sleeve and for the back of my neck. I'm so excited, I want to get more artwork done but I don't want to get anything done until I move out, just out of respect for my parents. Oh yeah, I also need to get my car fixed before I get any more tattoo's. I found out that the girl I like has a boyfriend but that's ok because all I wanted was friendship and then if we become more than that later on life then cool. I met her boyfriend on friday night and he seems like a really nice guy although I need to educate him on how to be a Tough Guy and how to dance and then he will be "grand like a piano."well that's all for now but I may return later to write some more.~Sorrow

I love the way that girls look at you with that little inquisitive look that makes you smile...

OK well I have not written in here for days upon days, partially because I have been travelling and working so much that I have not been able to find the time to do anything important. OK well let me just start out by saying that I am sooooo emphatuated (sorry I can't spell I'm so happy) with this girl that I feel like a little kid who has just found a treasure and doesn't know what to do with it so he just laughs and smiles and gets all giddy whenever he thinks of that treasure/person I don't think that I have ever been so excited to be attracted to a girl in my life It's kind of funny how I met her and the lame line I used to start the conversation but who care's she talks to me so I'm excited and happy and I just can't get her out of my head This girl has litterally turned my world upside down I'm not going to get my hopes up because if I do and she ends up not having the same feelings that I have for her after we get to know eachother because if/when that happens I'll be heartbroken So if I don't get my hopes up then the hurt of rejection won't be so bad. On a lighter not me and my friend had a really funny conversation about how we are going to start a militant straightedge crew for pimpin' guys that don't get any We've laughed about that for a good three hours now and we are still finding amusement over it I'm sure by now that your have figured out by now that I am no longer depressed or wanting to die I guess that's a good thing A good friend of mine has returned for a couple of days from far away I have not seen her in a while but I'm happy that she was able to spend the weekend with us It's to bad that she has to return to where she came from today I'm sad about that but I'm happy to because she is doing well and getting educated so I'm happy Well I must be going now since I'm not at home if I have time I will update you later on today but don't count on it.-Sorrow-

Falling Forward Has Never Been So Easy...

Ok well I don't have a lot of time to write a whole lot right now but I will be back on tonight so that I can tell you how depressed I really am...

Lost in forever....

Hmmm, I feel dirty today...I stayed up sooooo late last night because I was talking to a friend that needed my help...help, something that I used to be good at giving and doing, but not anymore...my heart constantly feels like it's being broken over and over and over....I had trouble working today. because I was so tired...I am continually in a state of tiredness I need to sleep more but I don't, I think that it's because I'm neglegent when it comes to taking care of my own person...I wish that I could love and feel loved the way that I used to but instead I am lost in a nothingness that never ends, but never began...I've been feeling violent these days to, like I want to kill somebody for no reason and that scares me that I would even think about it...I need to get back to serving God instead of myself....myself, thats all I care about these days and I hate myself, see there I go again only worrying about my own person instead of others, I need to die to myself...If I die, to myself, then and only then can I move forward and make progress...to forge ahead and experience new lands is what I desire...I also desire to spread the Word of God and do everything that I can to see others come to Christ...lost in forever, thats where I am today, in forever...

My heart is hurting....

My heart feels like it was slowly ripped out and thrown on the ground only to be trampled by everyone living in this forsaken world. I hate myself for reasons that I don't want to say. I suck when it comes to love, friendship, and just about everyother thing involved in normal relationships. I guess I just need to die....

Love...nothing but a second hand emotion

It's been a couple of day's since I have written. I apologize for my last entry, I was quite angry and bitter when I wrote it. I had just been kicked out of my house, but that situation has been resolved and all is well. I miss this girl that I know, she's really special to me. I always feel complete when I am around her and that's a very rare thing for me. I guess what I really want is to feel that way all the time but that's not possible do to some events that have happened in the past. I will never be able to have a normal relationship because of those events and I hate the person(s) that did it to me. If I could find that person/people that ruined me I would dig their eyes out with my fingers. I am so full of rage these days that I am afraid of what will happen if I blow up on someone. Enough about my anger problems though. Today as I was driving home I almost got in an accident, it would have really sucked to because the wreck would have been my fault. Oh well, I gave someone a really bad scare but escaped unharmed. My heart is yearning for that special someone to show up one day so that I can get married. I really want to get married,even though I am 18 definitely could not support my family all that well yet, i really want to get married.
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Love...nothing but a second hand emotion

It's been a couple of day's since I have written. I apologize for my last entry, I was quite angry and bitter when I wrote it. I had just been kicked out of my house, but that situation has been resolved and all is well. I miss this girl that I know, she's really special to me. I always feel complete when I am around her and that's a very rare thing for me. I guess what I really want is to feel that way all the time but that's not possible do to some events that have happened in the past. I will never be able to have a normal relationship because of those events and I hate the person(s) that did it to me. If I could find that person/people that ruined me I would dig their eyes out with my fingers. I am so full of rage these days that I am afraid of what will happen if I blow up on someone. Enough about my anger problems though. Today as I was driving home I almost got in an accident, it would have really sucked to because the wreck would have been my fault. Oh well, I gave someone a really bad scare but escaped unharmed. My heart is yearning for that special someone to show up one day so that I can get married. I really want to get married,even though I am 18 definitely could not support my family all that well yet, i really want to get married.
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