Screaming Infidelities...

Why is it that on the one day that's supposed to be special to you, the one day that's supposed to be a celebration of your existence, you're the one person that matters least to everyone? I hate birthdays (well at least when I'm the one that's having one)! I really didn't expect to do anything for my birthday and that was totally fine by me. I've avoided having any kind of party for the last two years and I figured a third year of the same wouldn't hurt. Well me mom decided to throw me a "surprise party" yesterday (08/18/2001). It ended up being a lot of fun I was very pleased. However today, I felt shunned and unimportant. My friends just bitched and moaned about how they wasted their weekend here at my house instead of going to Sac. to see a friend that's moving to Israel for a year. The same friend that is coming down to the bay area for a few days and want's to hang out with us while she's in the area. Needless to say, it kind of put a downer on my day. The only gift that I got this year was from Dave (thanks a lot man!), he gave the a Commin' Correct CD that I didn't have yet. I really hate to complain this much because I'm really not much of a complainer unless I'm whining about getting hurt and I do that more or less so that I can show off whatever battle wound I happen to have at the time. I guess another part of this B-day sadness is that someone that is special to me is sad and I can't do anything to help because they need to work it out on their own...I think that I may move to Hawaii sooner than planned just because I need to get out of my house and spread my wings a bit. I got a speeding ticket on friday night it sucked. We almost got caught by the cops painting on friday night too but we were to crafty for them (run away, run away). I think that my parent's are going take me out to dinner tomorrow night, that would be really nice to just go out with them and spend some quality time together because we haven't done that in quite some time. My dad is really intimidating, he scares me. Everytime he tells me that he wants to talk to me or asks if I have a minute I always get nervous as if I was in big trouble. The funny thing about all of that is that I haven't done anything bad...I saw American Pie 2 tonight. It was sooooooooooooooo funny. I loved it. I drew a neato piece today for next weekend. I'm broke, oh well.We Climbed Chaos We Turned Time. Come a little closer so I can hear music again. Compose for me a dream made by eyes and lips. Make melodies with the wind blowing in your hair. I feel vulnerable - Barefeet. This emotional mess we've made - Broken Glass. I feel pain - Bleeding. xLUNEx XXX death before dishonor XXX

Seperation Anxiety....

My brother left for Texas early this morning. I'm just now finally realizing that I'm not going to see him for at least one year maybe longer if I take off and tour the world for a while. On a good note my brother gave me his stereo for the time being. Oh, my friends band On The Might Of Princes stayed with me for the weekend it was a lot of fun. Sunday I was rudely awakened to a beating with plastic baseball bats. Bastards. My Birthday is on Sunday and I'm not excited at all. I hate birthday's all that happens is I get depressed and have to act happy on a day that sucks. Maybe it's because my b-days have been pretty depressing for the last three years and I'm not looking forward to this one at all. I am looking forward to getting more ink. Heres a poem that a friend of mine wrote I think it's pretty cool but that's because I know the story behind it. I dedicate this to my grandfather because he's the reason that I'll forever have trouble with relationships. i want to slash your tires maybe your throat. i want to burn the bitter memories to ashes and pour them over your dead corpse. you do not deserve to live, for i know you will suffocate on your own hot breath. for you are like a pig sent to the slaughter house. i'd drink your blood just so i could spit it out. that brick you threw will now come back to you. I guess that's all I have to say for now accept that I'm still going to deliver that package to Hawaii. Hi XjessicoreXXXX death before dishonor XXX

XXX dont ever lose the edge XXX

I FOUND STRAIGHT EDGE SHAMPOOOOOOOOOO today!!!!!!!!!! It's for straightening out curly hair, ha ha ha. The same company also makes a shampoo called Integrity!! How rad is that?!?!? I have to aquire oooodles and oooodles of the sXe shampoo so that I can get mad scene points, hee hee. Anyhoo my belly is squishy in a hard way. Anyhoo I'm happy now. Bye Bye!!!<3 <3 <3 xX253XxXXX straight edge shampoo for you too XXX

XXX dont ever lose the edge XXX

I FOUND STRAIGHT EDGE SHAMPOOOOOOOOOO today!!!!!!!!!! It's for straightening out curly hair, ha ha ha. The same company also makes a shampoo called Integrity!! How rad is that?!?!? I have to aquire oooodles and oooodles of the sXe shampoo so that I can get mad scene points, hee hee. Anyhoo my belly is squishy in a hard way. Anyhoo I'm happy now. Bye Bye!!!<3 <3 <3 xX253XxXXX straight edge shampoo for you too XXX

*Death B4 Dishonor*

So, Hawaii 5-0 returned to her rock today. I feel so bad for her. I think that I'm going to have to adventure over to her desolate rock and deliver some flowers. I had an interesting day today, I went to work, did nothing. I wanted to get my car smogged but my boss (my dad) wouldn't let me off early enough. I came home, shaved 1/4 of my body, I'll shave the other 3/4 tomorrow when I have more time. After showering I went downstairs got dressed, got on the computer and talked to My Girlfriend for a little bit online (she's a hot mamma jamma). After she signed off I hung out with Ben and Lindsey for a little bit. Then I came home. I've been sitting at the computer ever since. I need to get out of California for a little bit just so that I can try and figure out what I'm going to do with my life. I doubt that I will but I sure would like to. No more relying on my dad for employment. No more wasting my weekends looking for happiness at some show. No more striving to earn money and pay off my incomprehensible debt. Maybe it's just wishfull thinking. Ahh well, I think that I'll just shut my mouth and go back to living my 9-5er life looking for some sort of fulfillment from things that I know won't fill the void that only Jesus can fill. I need to get right with Him again. I'm going to end this entry before I start to consider letting tears flow from my eyes. Damn my emotionless heart.XXX death before dishonor XXX

Speed Racing into Your Heart...

Yay for me I got a new car. It's a pimpin "Rice Rocket." It still needs a paint job and more engine work but it's totally pimpin'! I'm going to get a big enough loan so that I can pay off all my debt, my parent's, and finish all of the engine work as well as the paint job. I don't think that I'm going back to school this semester but I'll go for the spring semester. I also really like my girlfriend but that's a whole other story <3. Anyhoo I'm going to go and teach myself to drive my car since I don't know how to drive a stick and I need to learn how. XXX sorrow XXX

Back from the Depths of hardcore hipocracy?

SO I'm back from TOM Fest, the anti-hardcore, anti-tough guy, anti-good band fest of the year. None-the-less, we made it fun and met some of the raddest kids on the world, including X253X whom happened to be the most fantastic person that I've had the privilege of meeting in a long time (If you're reading this, "Hi" <3). I finally aquired the weapon that I've been trying to get for months, yay for me!!! hee hee....anyhoo enough with this entry I need to brush my teeth and go to bed. ~XXX Till the Day I Die XXX~

A random "Fuck You!"

html>I recently received a letter addressed to "Sorrow" it was very straight forward and to the point: Dear Sorrow:After meeting you all I have to say is this, FUCK YOU! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A STUPID FUCK! I HOPE YOUR PUNK ASS GETS SHOT AND THAT YOU DIE A LONG SLOW FUCKED UP DEATH, FUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!!Sincerely,A person that wishes death on you and yours!I found that letter to be somewhat bizzare since I don't really know who sent the letter and honestly I don't want to know. hmmmm, oh well.[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<br.~sorrow~>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]html><body><font size="+2" color="#ff80ff" face="Chiller">I recently received a letter addressed to "Sorrow" it was very straight forward and to the point:<br><br> Dear Sorrow:<br>After meeting you all I have to say is this, <B>FUCK YOU! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A STUPID FUCK! I HOPE YOUR PUNK ASS GETS SHOT AND THAT YOU DIE A LONG SLOW FUCKED UP DEATH, FUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!!</b><BR>Sincerely,<br>A person that wishes death on you and yours!<br><br>I found that letter to be somewhat bizzare since I don't really know who sent the letter and honestly I don't want to know. hmmmm, oh well.<br><br><br.~sorrow~</font></body></html>

in regards to the show....

I just spoke with the gentleman that told me not to go and we straighened everything out so now all of you have to go.~sorrow~

Depression sets in and life comes to an end...

I'm depressed...maybe I'll just shoot myself and end this depression called, "the teenage life."...If I'm not out doing something to distract myself I just sit in the dark and listen to sad music...to much drama...i feel incomplete...I'm reaching the point of feeling desperate for a friend that will make me feel loved instead of made fun of...fuck it, I'll just move to a random place in the world and live alone...relationships/friendships only lead to heartache...time to go sit in the dark again...~sorrow~

Depression sets in and life comes to an end...

I'm depressed...maybe I'll just shoot myself and end this depression called, "the teenage life."...If I'm not out doing something to distract myself I just sit in the dark and listen to sad music...to much drama...i feel incomplete...I'm reaching the point of feeling desperate for a friend that will make me feel loved instead of made fun of...fuck it, I'll just move to a random place in the world and live alone...relationships/friendships only lead to heartache...time to go sit in the dark again...~sorrow~