Sunday, June 17, 2007
I fucking hate girls....
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ok I haven't posted anything public in my journal for quite some time. I'm sorry I'm a jerk like that. I just received the absolute most painful letter that I've ever received in my life. It came from a girl that I really like. She was/is the first girl that I've ever tried to "just be friends" right from the start with. She's the first girl that I've been completely honest with and the first girl that I really wanted to get to know really well before even thinking about thinking of the possibility of dating her. Ok, so here's the letter that really hurt:
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hey --
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i know i've seemed kind of distant lately, but honestly it was on purpose. this probably won't be very eloquently written due to my need to just "get it out". my problem is that i feel like i am constantly trying to be impressed. it just seems as if you are trying really hard to "win me over", or something. i could be totally wrong -- i apologize if i am. i just feel annoyed with it. i could be totally, totally wrong, but from things you've said in the past, i really don't think i am. i just want us to be able to be good friends, not this "i'm trying to impress the girl" thing. i don't really want to give examples, as i find that to (usually) be more harmful than helpful. it just really, really gets on my nerves. i'm just an ordinary person -- i want to have friends, and i don't want to put the burden of being "impressive" on anyone. i really enjoy being with you when you're just being yourself -- that's why i wanted to be your friend in the first place: because of who you were, not what you do or who you know. also, i feel lied to a lot because you have a tendency to exaggerate. i know that you do, so please don't get defensive. i'm really not trying to attack you at all, and i'm sorry if you feel attacked. then, when i point it out, you insist that i'm wrong and that you're right even though i'm sure i'm in the right. and i feel like you try to "one-up" me. for instance, if i say something, i feel like you have to say something better, like we're in competition or something. i don't like it. i don't feel competitive with you; i just want to be your friend. i don't want to feel like i'm being lied to, and i'm sure you're not the kind of person that wants to make anyone feel that way. and i especially don't want to be "one-upped" or "impressed". i just want to have a genuine friendship with a genuine person. and i know you are -- i could be taking things totally wrong. i'm really sorry if i am. but this is really the way i feel, and i hope you'll understand. if this hurts your feelings or offends you, i'm sorry. i just really had to get all of this off my mind. it's really been bothering me. i'm sorry i've been distant, but this is why. you can call me if you want. if you don't wish to call, then please write.
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thanks -- I'm leaving her name out for her protection.
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OK, so that really hurt. I'm not even going to try and defend myself because I'm so pissed off that I'll just end up cussing a lot and saying stupid meaningless crap. I lied, I'm going to defend myself on one issue, I DID NOT EVER TRY TO IMPRESS YOU, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, DAMNIT. If I was going to try and impress you I would have made a totall ass out of myself. I'm not good at impressing people. I can suck up to adults and get them to trust me enough to allow their kids to go with me to shows and on road trips but thats it. I don't, no I won't say anything else other than, <font size="+4">OUCH!!!</font>
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~Sorrow
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1 comment:
hmmmm...tha's too bad. back to working the street corner, huh? abstinence si always the best policy, though. call me if you wanna vent, yo.
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